i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Fuck appropriateness.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize