she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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