Don't you send me to vm
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
