He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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