You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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