you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
