i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
