Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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