Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
