i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
