Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
