so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
