i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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