did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize