i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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