My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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