That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
