She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize