Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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