I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
