Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
