Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
