he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
