it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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