Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
