pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
