i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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