The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am available for nakedness
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize