He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
