were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize