I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
