just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
