im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
