I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
