well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
