It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
