wakey wakey hands off snakey
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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