I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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