Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
