oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
