I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
