Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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