You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize