Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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