She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
