# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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