My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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