No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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