The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
