I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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