I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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