i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he thought i was a dude.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
