whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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