I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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