I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
