If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize