We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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