Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
