Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
