Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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