My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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