I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
