I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
