Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
