you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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