you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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