apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
