That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
