He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
