operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
